i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Randomize
