If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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