I love black thongs
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
