The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
