my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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