forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
