Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
