Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
