I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
