perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize