im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
