When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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