There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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