Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
