The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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