Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
