She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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