My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he was CRYING into my vagina
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
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