Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
