would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
