my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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