I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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