Cold hands, warm shart.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
