I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
