Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
