Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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