Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
