So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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