just survived the first fart of the relationship.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
