dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
