it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
