do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
bring money and cleavage
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
