Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I need a burrito and a hug.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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