Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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