You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
