If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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