I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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