i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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