I think my fart just growled at me.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
