just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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