i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
