why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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