I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
