I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
