Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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