I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
