You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
