Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
