My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
