So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
