that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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