Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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