R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
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