:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
