gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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