Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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