I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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