Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
