yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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