How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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