We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
he just fucked me for my cheese..
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
