Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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