The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
