do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
