Someone shit on the floor
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
