Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
