I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
