I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
