do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
